note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Randomize
