Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Randomize
