how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
