This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Randomize
