Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
