I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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