I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
