I was born with a shot glass in my hand
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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