The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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