he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
