Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got inside last night via doggy door
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
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