apparently the secret to your success is patron
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
