She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
