one might say we're banned from that church
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
