i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
