You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
