no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
