Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
