Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize