Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
