Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
