I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
