I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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