oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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