My nipple is on Facebook.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
