We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
