I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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