It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
