The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
