Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
