Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
