First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
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