Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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