she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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