I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
you win again, gameday.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
