I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
