she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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