There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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