Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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