That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Randomize
