Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
