whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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