so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
