he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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