Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Randomize
