Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
