Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
