Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
