I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
