There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
