dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
