Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
