my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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