Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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