Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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