Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
