Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
