My liver just broke up with me...
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
