I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
