I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Randomize
