i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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