No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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