How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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