things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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