I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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