I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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