He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
