I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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