she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
