Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
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